Worst Cooks In America Makes Me Want To Be A Bad Cook!

So I'm not an Iron Chef, and I'm probably not good enough to try out for Next Food Network Star or anything, but I do alright. I have a few recipes up my sleeve people would probably pay for. :D Certainly alot of recipes that people are glad to see when I make them.

Worst Cooks In America makes me wish I sucked!

Worst Cooks In America, for those that haven't been throttled by the commercials on Food Network, is sort of like Top Chef, except the cooks suck. Yes, really. They took 12 of the worst cooks that they could find, and they bring them to "kitchen boot camp" with Chef Anne Burrell and Chef Beau MacMillan.

"Kitchen Boot Camp" appears to consist of "I'll explain the recipe, I'll write it down, and then you do it.", which is risk, especially for a guy that considers condensed tomato soup to be a fine statement of his culinary skills. Serious. Could not make that up.

So Chef Beau and Chef Anne start out with a group of 24 contestants, and the contestants have to make a meal that is a genuine statement to their culinary abilities. Which Chef Beau and Chef Anne then have to eat.

They montaged it so we didn't have to watch it all, but we saw a boiled whole chicken, chocolate pancakes that probably would have broken a window if they'd thrown them, a lady who made soup by combining lots of other cans of soup, and a guy who didn't actually cook anything because he believed that food wasn't meant to be "good", it was meant to be "functional". Ooh, and a girl that made a "three cheese maccaroni and cheese" with one of the cheeses being COTTAGE cheese. Man I wish that was a joke, and Chef Anne did too. After the girl said that cottage cheese was one of the cheeses, Chef Anne let out a dismayed "Cottage!", which was plain to anyone was her attempt at covering up what she really wanted to say, which was "Are you kidding me right now?!"

So then Chef Beau and Chef Anne had to each pick out who they believed to be the six worst cooks in the group - but the trick to that part was - the cooks they picked didn't stay with them. Chef Anne took the cooks Chef Beau picked, and the reverse.

In the end, when they've whittled it down to two, the final two must cook a meal for a panel of judges, including the notoriously hard to please Jeffery Steingarten. The judges though, are of the impression that Chef Beau and Chef Anne are the ones cooking the dinner. So it's important that they whip them into shape successfully, otherwise "their reputations are on the line". I don't know if it's THAT big of a deal, but they seem to think it's a big gig, so who knows?

I, like I said, am not a bad cook. I even fancy myself to be pretty good at it. Truthfully, Worst Cooks In America (which is getting modest reviews) makes me wish I was worst, because what I wouldn't give for a 10 day boot camp with Chef Beau and Chef Anne!

And I've already learned one valuable lesson about dealing with Chef Beau - do not unnecessarily garnish a dish. One of the guys tried that last night (he claimed to not understand that they were to copy the dish, but what did he think they were doing?!), and Chef Beau just got unnecessarily angry about it. Do not unecessarily garnish your dishes with Chef Beau!

Culinary Good Deeds

I baked like a woman possessed over Christmas break. Homemade noodles, no bake cookies, scones, chocolate chip cookies, fantasy fudge, and the list goes on. My oven shut off when I was asleep, and that was about it.

So, when Christmas ended, I found myself scared to put on pants with a real waist for fear of finding out they wouldn't fit anymore, and with a freezer full of the leftovers from all my pre-christmas baking.

I knew for sure I didn't want to eat them, and I knew for sure I didn't want to waste them, but what on earth was I going to do with them?

As odd as it sounds, I placed an ad on Craigs List. Yes, really.

I was amazed and in awe of the responses that I got. A woman that was layed off and her husband was laid off and her brother in law just moved in with them because he was diagnosed with some health problems. A retired Marine that lived alone (believe you me, I'd fill a freezer for him if he'd let me), a college girl that wanted to be a better baker but couldn't afford it, and the list went on. There was a guy that I'm not quite sure was above board, and a woman that was too busy to bake for her ladies group at church, and more.

The woman that was laid off was the first response I got, and so the goods went to her. I was so amazed by the responses, that I ended up making extra stuff for her. :) It was really kind of awesome to give them to her too - because I could tell that she was a person who really needed her day brightened up by a cookie.

I had such a great time doing it, that as soon as I replenish my supply of gladware, I intend to do it again!

Chicken Noodle Soup! Or, Theresa Actually Cooks Real Stuff!

I decided that today, I was in the mood to cook something really fancy. So I went to one of my fanciest cookbooks, and picked out a recipe. Oddly, the Mission Of Hope Cancer Fund cookbook? Really fancy. It's even got a recipe in it from one of the Iron Chefs. And we're not talking Cat Cora or Michael Symon here kids. We're talking Chen Kinichi. Oh, yeah. Apparently he cooks at (or cooked at at the time of the book being published) a restaurant in New Orleans. Of all the places in the world, right?

At any rate, I selected Chicken Noodle Soup. Except I did it the semi-homemade kind of way.

The recipe called for an onion, a full bunch of celery and 2 cups of carrots. And peas. And a full fryer chicken!

I had a couple of things working against me here, that lead to my embracing the "semi-homemade" version of this recipe:

1)I only had $20, and had to purchase EVERY ingredient on the list

2)I cook for a picky eater who was likely to pick out only the chicken and the noodles and waste all this celery

3)It was 4 pm, and I didn't want to have to mess with cooking a whole chicken.

So the good people at Kroger kind of saved me here. They have frozen mirepoix, which covered me for onions and celery (and carrots), and then I got a frozen bag of peas to cover me there. Throw in a $5 chicken, and a bag of egg noodles, and your pretty well out the door!

It doesn't call for any herbs or anything. Brown the vegetables, put in the chicken (of course, if your not doing it the semi-homemade way, you have to cook the chicken and all of that), stock, noodles. Set.

I did make a blunder at the end, and I dumped in the entire bag of noodles, which made it really chunky (it made it pretty much entirely noodles and chicken, I won't kid you), but if you are like my boyfriend and like the stuff out of soup but not the broth, then even the blunder isn't so bad. :)

I don't have permission to republish the recipe, although I wish I could. It's very simple soup, but very delicious. Although admittedly, it didn't satisfy my urge to cook fancy food. So that was a bummer.

Vile Swill!

So if I'm starting a review that way, it can't be positive, right? Well...yeah. That's pretty much the long and short of it right there.

Today I stopped at the gas station to get gas on my way to school, and I notice that they have a new drink called ALO Drink. Why not, I figure, and I pick two - ALO Exposed and ALO Enliven. Pick up a juice for my three year old, prepay for my gas, and I'm out the door.

I get back to the car, and pick out which one of the ALO drinks I want to try. I chose ALO Enliven, which promises all the health benefits of ALO, with the vitamins of 12 fruits and vegetables.

The website says ALO Enliven is 25% aloe vera and aloe vera pulp, which therein lies a bit of my problem. The ALO drinks were housed with the water and juice. If I have a grape juice, I know what I'm getting, every time across the board. If I open a Smart Water I know what I'm getting all the time, every time.

I open an ALO drink, I get a drink that I have to chew. Yes, CHEW. Good for my orange juice. Not good for my bottled water or juice.

The texture was slightly strange and the mouth feel was horrible. Kind of slimy. And the "pulp" was awful. I found that it actually got somewhat better if I didn't try to chew the pulp and just swallowed it whole, but by that point, the texture and mouth feel was just too much to make me interested in trying it again.

It says on the website that they sweeten the product with a natural sugar, but you could have fooled me - I didn't taste any sweetness at all.

I read on their website that they've done quite well in customer polls and been mentioned in several magazines and what not. I can't imagine - if they were the best, what on earth was the worst?!

This is horrible, horrible stuff. And now I have $5 worth of stuff that seriously, I have a little anxiety attack when I think about having to drink it again. It's that level of horrible. Skip this purchase, big time.

Just so you don't think I'm making it up and that there's no way a product this horrible could really exist:

ALODrink.

ALODrink: It's horrible. It's overpriced. We're not really sure how we're still legally allowed to sell it. Pass it by on a grocery store shelf near you!

I Live, And I'm Super Excited!

So poor Chef has kind of gotten lost over the last few weeks, and I do apologize for that.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've actually been doing alot of footwork for the blog though. According to my Comp 2 professor, I can't legally republish recipes without permission from their authors, so I've been digging out cookbooks of mine, and contacting the authors to seek out permission to republish in the blog.

I'm very close to getting permission to republish one!

When I start republishing recipes, I do intend to test the recipes as often as time and being reasonable will allow. One of the books I've almost got permission for, the first recipe in the book is holiday punch, that starts with a base of two bottles of wine. Yeah...I live alone with my fiance and a three year old. We don't have any chance of drinking two bottles of wine before they go bad. :O So that one will go untested at least. Unless I can find someone to drink wine. I told my fiancee that he was taking the punch into work, he didn't look that excited at the prospect. :D

The Christmas Cookie Club And How You Can Really Eat The Cookies

Local author Ann Pearlman is gearing up for the release of her latest book, The Christmas Cookie Club. It's the story of a group of friends that gather together every year to do a Christmas cookie exchange, and their stories that they have to share from over the previous year. One is facing the end of her marriage, one is facing a high risk pregnancy, and their individual stories wind together throughout the book.

Learn More About It.

Proving that perhaps, it is who you know, Pearlmans youngest daughter works at Zingermans Roadhouse in Ann Arbor (who, incidentally is a regular James Beard nominee).

Enter the partnership with Zingermans to offer the cookies for sale!

Learn more about that!

All the recipes from the book, and a Zingermans original, sold in a hollowed out book, with original artwork on the front. I've not tried them, but they do look delicious!

A suitable gift for the reader or cookie addict in your family!

Theresa And The Story Of The Most Convoluted Dinner I've Ever Made..

Often times, when I ask what's for dinner, my fiancee will challenge me to make Chicken Fricassee.

Today, I went "I see you your Chicken Fricassee, sir!", and googled that stuff right up.

Let me say, the finished product was so good. Soul food in the finest sense of the word - hearty, creamy, and with enough substance that it really settles into your ribs. It does, however, have a great ability to grow, so when your plating it, plate about half of what you think your going to want! We both learned that the hard way!

Thomas Jefferson's Chicken Fricassee.

That is the link to the recipe I made. Why it's cited as being Thomas Jefferson's, I don't know, but there you go.

The recipe could not have been simpler, both in terms of ingredients and in terms of the actual process. The only thing that made it so convoluted was that it took so bloody many steps!

Brown the chicken. Take the chicken out, make the gravy. Put the chicken back, let it simmer. Take the chicken AND the gravy back out (but store them seperatly, naturally), and saute the onions and mushrooms. Then put the gravy back in, then put the chicken back.

Doesn't it seem like that could have been streamlined at least a little? It wasn't at all hard, and the ingredient list is fairly short, there was just so many steps to it. Although oddly, I looked in another cookbook that had a chicken fricassee recipe, and it had a shorter list of steps, but a longer list of ingredients. So evidentally, it's an either or type of situation.

My next step was a pumpkin cake. Came from my Bisquick cookbook. Basically, it was bisquick, pumpkin pie pumpkin (which either my Kroger doesn't have pumpkin pie pumpkin yet, or alot of people were baking pie today, because I had to go with canned pumpkin, rather then pumpkin pie pumpkin), egg and sugar. Bake. If I'd gotten the pumpkin pie pumkin, I can imagine that it would have tasted like a really great piece of pumpkin pie. Don't get me wrong, it was still delicious, it just wasn't what I imagine the good people that wrote that book in the 1970's were really going for.

But I bought the big can of pumpkin, so I get to try pumpkin pancakes too!

And thus, we bring to a close an entry that included more mention of pumkin then I'd ever thought possible. Good night and good eats!